Doing it Wrong

Wrapping [pun unintended but unavoidable] up Christmas

So, we FINALLY did it this morning - we finished Christmas. The snow-storm lost box that was headed out to the East Coast finally arrived (after a bit of finagling and possibly some threats) and, still hot from the delivery truck, it was opened, on skype, with all family members present and accounted for. Granted, one kid is not going to get a main present until tomorrow on account of deciding REALLY REALLY LATE what it wanted, but it opened its place-holder presents (which included, to my shame, a beautifully wrapped bag of Chili Fritos with App store gift cards taped to it) and was very gracious.

All in all I'm a bit relieved to be able to stamp 'final' on this holiday and put it away until next year, but it was fun. It produced three marathon all-family skype sessions which were hilarious and very necessary. There were numerous messaging episodes with outlying kids which was also hilarious. And as a bonus, this morning it produced my very favorite joke of the year.

Set up - we had all pulled the Christmas crackers and, per tradition, were wearing the silver-paper crowns, when the Local Child (male) knicked a red ribbon from one of the presents and wrapped it around the base of his crown. And who did that make him?

Rambo's lesser known metrosexual cousin: Rainbo.

He was very pleased with himself.

Oh, also, as part of our do-something-semi-Christmassy-every-day-until-the-flippin'-box-comes, I also produced a touching seasonal story for my children and sent it out on e-mail. I have been requested to post it here as well, which I am doing, as a PDF file. Think of it as the holiday gift you didn't know you wanted. Percy: a Story. Download Percy-a-story

Article

There's an article about Kirk and me and the family floating around in the internets. It posted yesterday, or that's what the very nice reporter said was going to happen.

I can't confirm that because I'm a great ginormous chicken and it was pretty flippin' hard talking to her (although, again, she was very nice indeed AND she was slaving away the day before Christmas). I even went through the family photos we have that survived a flood a couple of years back which is another thing I've been pretty chicken about.

I just couldn't quite manage to track the article down and read it. Not on Christmas.

It's on The Daily which is a digital newspaper for the iPad. I have an iPad and I will, dutifully, track it down. Maybe even today.

Maybe.

Failing Christmas

So THIS year one of my kids is miles and miles away in a totally different city within an utterly different country on a completely different continent. Which is very cool actually, and I'm thrilled to bits, but it does make things a bit difficult when coordinating celebrations.

Also, another of my kids is working for a [cough, soulless] corporation that, in its wisdom, is open not only Christmas Eve but also Christmas day AND said kid has been scheduled for both of those days, AND doesn't have a day off even until the Wednesday after Christmas.

Add to that the other child who is not only far away (but not as far as the first referenced offspring above), but informed me that the box of cherished Christmas ornaments and things that we had carefully packed up for said child last Christmas has been LOST by the Powers that Be and therefore this child is alone, family-less and HAS NO STOCKING. It did offer to use one of its own socks, but since I immediately imagined the sad, sad scene with my darling offsprung holding out its pathetic, empty bowl and lisping, 'please thir, I would like thome more.' while the sock hung empty and bereft behind it... I said no, I would MAKE this child one!! Yerse... only this was LAST WEEK which, if you're counting, is rather close to THIS WEEK. But! I could not let my darling child go without a stocking so I persevered. - CHILD!! What follows is A Spoiler! DO NOT READ ON if you wish to  be surprised by your stocking!! And I made it this:



Which involved some embroidery to produce this:

Yes, I actually did try to embroider 'pull to open' in the teensiest letters imaginable. No, it was not entirely successful due to the limitations of a) felt and b) my talents. Still...

I have to admit I'm pretty chuffed about the dalek. I mean, really:

Whose the cutest little genocidal nihilist? YOU ARE! Yes you are!

ANYWAY

Point is that took a bit of time, but all was well as the REST of that child's Christmas-inna-box was totally done and dusted and ready and so, on what wasn't even the last possible day by what was not completely the skin of my teeth, I did get it finished, wrapped, packed and mailed. Only to have the midwest totally and purposely THWART me by deciding to have a flippin' great snow-storm.

So my kid's Christmas is sitting in a mail-room, delivered the day AFTER the last day said mail-room is open, and therefore not possibly claimable until TUESDAY at the earliest.

To recap: One child remote and unreachable but happy, one child doing slave labour through the entire holiday, one child remote AND unable to claims its Christmas until well after the Day Itself.

CHRISTMAS FAIL

S'okay. We're planning plans and scheming schemes and salvaging Christmas if it kills us. Which means we're introducing an entirely new festal day -

December 28th! Feast day of procrastinators, slave laborers, and far flung loved ones. It'll catch on. Trust me.

Brilliant Ideas

So with my usual lack of segue - here is evidence of the 8 miniature houses I said I was faux painting. And you thought I was kidding! These darn things took HOURS of time for two people, utterly destroyed my den for about 2 weeks and then finally got set up the day before we got a very long, very damp snow fall. Sigh, but they do look very pretty, especially at night (if I get ambitious I'll post some night shots too):

Yes, I've blurred out all the background, yes it's the most half-assed blur job I've ever done. Yes, I really am that lazy! However! Please notice the weensy windows, all leaded AND with stained glass detail (not REAL glass of course, that would be SILLY and TIME CONSUMING as opposed to hand-painting them... which was totally sane and took only days!)

Yup - 8 of them. And please don't count how many windows because I'll cry. Let's just say a lot. A lot of windows that had to be cut out (not by me thank goodness) and then glazed. Also there was the carved trim applied...

Notice - clock tower WITH copper roof... also each house box is wired up with white Christmas lights so they all light up at night. You can also see where I got well and truly SICK of faux painting!

Madness I tell you, madness.

Family - next time you hear the phrase 'I just had a brilliant idea' leave my lips please, do me a favor and stun me gently and leave me somewhere out on the Serengeti where the hyenas can get me. It'll be easier and less painful all the way around!

Withdrawn

So the war is over - not that it was a war, right? Especially not since it was declared won all those years ago. But the flag was run down, the ceremonial parades were paraded (I assume. I didn't see any, but the military does love them a parade and will take any excuse to dust off the dress duds and dust the Sousa CD) and, officially, we're done. Hands dusted. America is out of Iraq.

It was a very polite job too, sort of 'my, my, look at the time, no don't mind me I'll see m'self out.' Quiet, that's what it was.

And I've been sort of prodding around all day, poking at various bits of my mind, trying to see how the announcement makes me feel - gingerly, rather like getting up the day after a good hard run, checking for the sore spots that might be lurking.

And it's the oddest thing, the most childish thing, the most ridiculous and illogical thing to feel.

I'm sad, because Kirk is alone now.

Wherever he is, whatever happened out there in that desert, we've left him behind.

And I'm sad.

Seasonality

Two of my three kids are scattered this year and won't be around for the holidays.

Yes, it's sad - although one is in such a fantastic place I can't really wish she were here (I CAN wish I were THERE however), and the other is somewhere she's really enjoying and is finally - hopefully - going to be able to do the job she trained to do lo these many months ago. So sad-ish in a missing the sprogs sort of way, but happy really that they are happy.

However, there is one serious problem which hadn't occurred to me until rather late which is this year I must actually be organized, like think ahead, and plan and... and all that stuff. Because presents must be bought and then wrapped (more buying) and then packed (more buying) and then shipped (bit of wrist slitting over cost of shipping large boxes overseas). And, unfortunately, I had a Brilliant Idea.

Brilliant Idea is family code for 'ridiculously complex and time consuming project for little or no real purpose.' This year my Brilliant Ideas included Halloween decorations (1 carnivorous plant, 1 fabulous monster created out of anatomical skeleton parts, 1 mummified fairy and assorted other props), and Christmas decorations (8 house models, slightly over 1/12 size; windows, molding, faux-leading, lights, etc) AND, for the most distant child, two Christmas stockings (for child and child's boyfriend).

Happily I did knuckle down and get the stockings done in time to ship, and seeing as they are already there and said child has now seen 'em, I can post my slightly wonky photos here just because I still think these are pretty nifty:

Yes, I know it's blurry - too lazy to get out the fab camera, in too much of a hurry to have bothered with, I dunno, actually trying for focus.

Slightly better...

And:

Detail:

Of course, having shipped them off, I now want on for ME, and also (of course) have started going - ooh! What about one with a single converse shoe tipped over ouside it? Or with a bannana somewhere? Or... or...

Yeah, I'll get on that as soon as I finish doing faux-stone painting effects on 8 miniature flippin' houses.