Bum bah bum bum bum

I was going to do a really impressive New Years post about the past year and the new one.

Okay, I wasn't.

But I WAS going to do one about how I don't do resolutions and instead talk about what I want to do this year instead.

Only I didn't.

I mean, I THOUGHT about it. In a vague sort of, yeah, that'd be cool, sort of way. And then the mental tick-tock clock in my head clicked in and I started to figure out just when a New Year's post was appropriate - maybe the 2nd is okay, possibly the 3rd - but by the time it's been a week into January, face it, it's not the new year and no one really gives a damn anymore. Which made that a no go. Shame really, it was going to be a totally noble post full of charitable deeds and selfless acts.

Which makes things a bit awkward, because I don't WANT to go ages between posts [because, coff coff, one of my 'non resolutions' is writing more regularly] but then I'm a bit stuck when things go too long with whatever topic is sort of floating at the surface of my not-too-reliable brain.

Which is why, shamingly, my first post of the new year is about bums.

Bottoms.

Arses.

Backsides.

Or - as my mum (I KID YOU NOT) used to say when I was little, FANNIES.

And it's not deep, or meaningful, or exceptionally insightful, it's just....

... well, I was watching some show, right? and it wasn't recorded so I couldn't zip through the ads which left me watching, helpless, these strangly anthropomorphic red bear things (I'd been aware of them before) who were, apparently, plagued by some condition that shredded their toilet paper and left it spackled to their hairy red anthropomorphic bums.

And I admit, I find myself baffled.

I have never encountered this disorder. Am I unique? Is my bum truly so smooth and pristine that somehow toilet paper just skims over it, removing the unwanted stuff but somehow not leaving large chunks of itself behind? Do people HONESTLY need to have someone give them a good once-over to make sure there aren't errant toilet paper pieces adhering to the sand-paper-like surface of their posteriors?

Because if I am so superior I want to know so as to add this to my CV (also to submit myself to humiliating but lucrative scientific testing), but if not I am beginning to believe that there is a subversive group at work attempting to overwhelm the American public by convincing them they are TOTAL AND COMPLETE IDIOTS.*

 

 

 

*This is  NOT helped by the current front runners for president. Nor by the debates. Nor the ads. Nor the... ... ... sigh.

 

Happy New Year everyone, and for the record, I'm kinda anti-Mayan DOOM AND GLOOM 2012. I figure 2014 at the worst. Maybe 2018...

Comments

[Debbie]

I must admit that I never crank my head around to check - or have anyone else perform a viewing. Maybe all feels smooth back there because of excessive layers of "wallpaper". Hmm.

[Megan]

Good point Debbie! I suppose I should actually investigate, but (sorry, I HAVE TO!!)

I can't be arsed.

snrk.