Exposures

I know, the whole blogging internet knows Heather Armstrong and her husband are separated. And there are threads on forums I'm sure, talking about it and why it happened, and people saying horrid, hateful, spiteful things about one or the other or both (and their dog). Because Heather opened up her world and let everyone in, and now there are a whole lot of folks who can't forgive her for that - or for being successful at it, or for writing with a particularly strong and distinctive voice that includes irony and exaggeration (apparently many of these folks were born with a majorly defective sense of humour - it's IRONY people, IRONY), or for living the way she does - or doesn't, or any of the million billion other things that Heather, and people like Heather, get judged for.

Only all these people, these judges and side-line umpires, they GET to. They get to be nasty because she ASKED for it, because she's not a 'real' person anymore, she's a public person and now the whole wide world owns her and the rights to her inner thoughts and most intimate feelings.

So while she and her family are going through what must be one of the most turbulent and distressing episodes of their lives they CAN'T just shut down and hide and deal with it privately, not coming out again until they have some scabs grown over all those fresh, painful raw spots. And not because they'd lose income or core readers or audience share, but because they would get just as much hell for NOT sharing (I've seen some of it) as they would if they do. So they're trying to ride the line, the line of staying honest and faithful to what they have chosen to do while still protecting themselves and each other and their kids. And I really, really feel for them.

Because I'm the opposite. I keep secrets and hold things close and deal out my story in small bits and pieces to trusted people. Which sounds like a mad thing to say since I have a blog and I do write about my life - but only the tiniest infinitesimal bit of it: the fraction of a piece of the skin on the surface. And there are so many reasons - I have older children and I try to protect them although they don't really need it so much any more; I have family who don't always agree with me or appreciate my opinion on things they hold dear; I work in a place that has to worry about privacy and... the fact is that secrecy is my control, it's my safety. It's the habit I got into when Kirk went missing and I've never really gotten over it.

I actually intended coming on today and spilling just a little - just some of what I've been doing the last couple of months, and plans for the next little bit. And I will, sometime I will.

But maybe not today.

 

EDITED TO ADD:

To the person who just emailed me that the whole wide world should be able to say whatever they hell they want because, 'SHE ASKED US TO WHEN SHE WROTE THAT BLOG' --

If someone invites you into their home you sit down in the living room. You make small talk - maybe you even nibble the crackers and cheese put out on the coffee table. You do not barge unasked upstairs to rifle the contents of their bedroom and then proceed to lambaste your host on their choice of lubricant and the fact that there's a vibrator in the second drawer down in the bedside table. BOUNDARIES people.

Also, unknown emailing stranger who is still using AOL, I'm kinda weirded out that you were so quick to defend your internet trolling to someone whom you have never met, but lemme make this clear. I don't know Dooce, I don't know her husband. The chances that I will ever, EVER meet either of them are nil, absolutely nil. So no, despite what you seem to think, I am neither a personal friend nor hoping to become one. I was writing about how this effect, this public tromping through private ground, changes the way I think and write, not about how Heather and Jon should be treated like super special precious delicate things simply because they're famous on the internet.

Nope, they should be treated respectfully and kindly because they are HUMAN BEINGS, human beings who, right now, are hurting.

Sheesh.

Comments

[Lally]

This is why I plan to become infamous, not famous.

[Susie]

Who the heck is Heather Armstrong? Clearly, I have to get out more. Then again, on second thought, maybe not.

[Megan]

Lally - excellent plan with no draw-backs!

Susie - Heather Armstrong is 'Dooce,' one of the first bloggers to become well known. For her it was originally because she was fired for what she wrote on her blog about her workplace - even inspired a word, to be 'dooced' Since then she has written a NY Times best-selling book (or two? I know she has two books but not sure whether they both made the list). She has been open about the fact that she suffers from depression, often quite severe, and in as advocate for awareness of mental health issues. And... she gets an awful lot of hate aimed her way in that strange way the internet sometimes does.