Gravitational Shift

So my all time favorite amphibian came for a visit a little while ago - she of the Overstretchedness and the language school.

There was a lot of laughing and eating and general good times but much of the time the three offspring sprung themselves off - including spending a fair amount of time at the oldest one's house (That's blaidd drwg for those taking notes). Yes, my oldest child has her own house - well, her own shared-with-roommates-because-minimum-wage-is-a-living-wage-MY-ASS house. She pays her own bills and buys her own food and is generally doing a darn good imitation of an adult.

Actually, Over-Stretched Frog, although living in dorms, is ALSO sort of being an adult and undeniably no longer lives here, with me.

You'd think I would have noticed, and I did in a way, but something about this visit, with all the kids merrily breezing in and out - mostly out on many days - and needing absolutely nothing in the way of rides or money or food or drink or ANYTHING sort of brought it, well, home with a bit of a thump.

A good thump mind you, but a thump. Because the thing is that when you're a parent, from the moment you know there's even going to BE a blaidd drwg or an amphibian or an Arbitraxish Xanthar or whatever there is this unbelievable shift in the world. Everything, EVERYTHING from that moment on moves in focus from you to this Other Person. Where you live, what job you take, where you go that night... all that stuff. Things you don't think would be kid-centric have a but-what-about-the-child element. It's in every. last. thought. That's how it should be, mind you, I mean you're the grown up and they're the kid and SOMEONE has to think about whether that toothbrush is suspiciously dry even though the child with the honest green eyes swore up and down it had really and truly brushed its teeth (note: you learn early to get very precise about WHEN that might have happened). Someone must keep a running tally in mind of the games/meetings/lessons/play dates/practices/fund raisers/volunteer events/etc/etc/etc that are happening that week, and the next week, and the next. Someone has to worry and plan and consider, and while that worrying changes from whether that nappy rash really does look like it's clearing up to whether you're nagging someone too much or too little to get their homework done (which leads to secondary worry over whether too little nagging will result in FAILURE AND DOOM while too much will produce a floppy, hopelessly spineless creature who will have to be harried through university, career and eventually mid-life crisis), the amount of worrying, the constant awareness in the back of your mind even when it's not the active, in-your-face worry, never changes.

The thump then, the thump is because in just under a year there's going to be another world shift. A smaller one this time, because they will always be there in my heart and my mind, always a piece of me dedicated to thinking and loving and, yes, often worrying about them. But not ALL of me. Not any longer - because they are, almost all of them, adults now and they can carry that.

Which leaves me, for the first time in many, many years, with this odd, floating sense of - and don't take this the wrong way lovely children - freedom. For the first time almost since I became an adult myself my first thought can maybe be, maybe, what do I want to do.

Yup.

Terrified.

But...

...exhilarated too.

Whoopie!

Now what?

Comments

[Mit]

The comfort in knowing however you left things in the morning, that's how they'll be when you get home.

The irritation knowing you needs something done, and you can't quite make it ... and there's no one to call and say, "Will you please ...?"

Also? You'll find food lasts longer - and maybe wine goes faster.

Best wishes to all the amphibians, unpronounceable names & sharp edges ... may adulthood treat them well.

And woo-hoo to you! Maybe there's a "Risky Business" scene in your near future!

[Bad Wolf (Blaidd Drwg)]

Now is the time when I flunk out of school, spend way too much on ants with my credit card, rack up a whole boatload of debt and come live in your basement for 17 years until you finally go completely mad and blow up the city.

Love you!!

[overstretched frog]

na! sal go ship o ro salla!

[Amy]

The best thing about living on one's own: nudity. Any time. Day or night. Awesome.

[Megan]

Mit - ooooh. Now that you mention it, DEFINITELY.

BW - OH NO YOU DON'T!!

OF - eh, wot?

Amy - hmmmmm.... I shall invest in very good blinds. Or a rural house!